There has been much energy spent on narcissists in my life.  When my healing journey began, I wondered why there were so many. It couldn’t have been more apparent to me that there was a message, but what was it?

I have liked and even loved some narcissistic men. I was angry at myself for a long time, feeling too intelligent and strong to be so blinded by what had been repeatedly happening to me.

Thankfully, I can say confidently that  I have healed. Going through the emotions and addressing each part has brought me much peace.

I was ready for clarity.

“Ok,” I said, “you’ve got my attention. What’s the lesson? I want to shed myself of these experiences so I can move into truly loving relationships.”

My answer came, with certainty, in the middle of a Reiki session.

Narcissistic Characteristics and the Lessons Behind Them

Before we embrace this message, here are some of the characteristics of a narcissist I’ll be addressing:

• Need for excessive admiration
• Inflated sense of self-importance
• Takes advantage of others to achieve their own need
• Lack of empathy

The Narcissist’s Need for Excessive Admiration

Narcissists are charming! They project a level of confidence that attracts many people into their lives. It is, however, a projection, a mechanism to hide their deeply rooted insecurities.

One of the reasons people are attracted to them is because they want to have the kind of confidence narcissists portray. They don’t realize at first that it is false.

This attention feeds their need for admiration, and the cycle has begun.

Narcissists also attract empaths, and empaths are attracted to them. Not necessarily in a sexual way. By attracting, I mean, spiritual energy.

The narcissist craves empathy because it is a thoughtful, courteous attention they have lacked in their life.

Empaths are attracted to narcissists because they enjoy helping others. Empaths have a way of putting aside their own needs for someone else. Feeling their pain deeply, they believe they can heal this pain.

An unhealthy relationship with the narcissist will ensue if you aren’t aligned with your true self.

Lesson One from the Narcissist:

Have good boundaries, not setting yourself aside for anyone. As they say on the airplane, put your oxygen mask on first.

Your spiritual, mental, and physical health comes first.  That often-slow process of them picking away pieces of your soul is a sign that you need to set good boundaries for yourself.

So when you feel exhausted from feeding their needs, pay attention. Set boundaries that allow you time to heal and recharge.

The Narcissist’s Inflated Sense of Self-Importance

Narcissists feel they are essential as if their job, family, friends, and co-workers could not make it without them. They do not understand how people do not recognize, and constantly verbalize their importance. They’ll spend a lot of time talking about all the great things they’ve done to feed their ego.

They can get so adamant about this that you find yourself devaluing your importance to give more value to theirs.

If you marry one, in their eyes, “becoming one” often means leaving behind your wants and desires because it’s easier (if you aren’t aligned with yourself) than standing up for what you want.

Lesson Two from the Narcissist:

Stand firm in your self-worth. By self-worth, I mean your importance is not tied to any person.  You are unique, memorable, and worthy of everything you want on your own! Find your individuality and revel in it.

Do what’s right for you, not what’s easy.

After being around someone with such arrogance, it can be hard to learn lesson two because you fear being like them. But trust me, believing in yourself and knowing your worth will not make you arrogant.

Taking Advantage of Others to Achieve their own Need

It’s shocking the first time you hear vulnerable conversations you have with the narcissist regurgitated to a group of people so they can get that much-needed attention. So often this comes wrapped in sarcasm or explained as “just being a joke.”

It is also disbelieving when you watch them break and sacrifice their integrity, or yours, to gain praise or change a perception to manipulate a situation.

Indeed there are no boundaries regarding what they will do to get what they want. It seems safe until you realize that not having limits means it can happen to you, and if you are around long enough, it will happen to you.

Lesson 3 from the Narcissist:

Speak your truth. They will twist words and change the story, but having learned lessons one and two (having good boundaries and knowing your worth), do not give in to the crazy-making. 

Your truth is not defined by whether they agree with it or not. Keeping your integrity means speaking your truth.

Again, do what keeps you in your true alignment not what is easy.

Lack of Empathy

For some, this is difficult to grasp because it is hard to imagine people do not know how to empathize. It is why talking with narcissists is so tricky. They will not relate.  It still blows my mind sometimes.

This lack of empathy can make you feel isolated and alone, feeling misunderstood, and crazy for having emotions. Sometimes it seems it would be easier to turn off this quality, but it’s your superpower. The Earth and the living creatures on it need your empathy.

The reason they lack empathy is to remind us and show us how important that quality is, to bring this quality into our awareness and strengthen it within ourselves.

Lesson 4 from the Narcissist:

Know that there are people who will understand you. People do care as profoundly. Being able to understand someone’s feelings from their viewpoint and having emotions and expressing them is normal. Do not harden your heart and fake that it doesn’t matter. It does matter.

You are not alone

The All-Encompassing Message

Feminine traits have a long history of suppression, and their true nature was taken away from us through fear.  We’ve been manipulated, tortured, burned, drowned, beaten, and threatened into submission.  Our DNA carries this history and remembers it, although we are not all consciously aware.

Since our DNA carries this history, there is an instilled threat in us that remembers and keeps us in these suppressed ancestral patterns. However, we are in a day and age where we can begin to break free.

Yes, we can begin to learn, grow, and heal, making the future better. The feminine can regain its voice.

The reasons for narcissists are to empower us to have boundaries, put ourselves first, have a voice, stand up for ourselves, stand firm in our truths, unify, feel safe in our independence, create with abandonment, feel bold in our sensuality, love freely without conditions, reconnect with our inner knowing and beauty, and intuitively remember our natural gifts.

When we look at narcissists as spiritual beings who made agreements to come down to remind us who we truly are, we can release feelings like anger, hurt, and blame, leaving room for us to be the bold, empowered, nurturing goddesses we naturally are.

Know that understanding is part of healing.  You are already healing.

If you would like to work on self-healing and aligning with your true, highest self, contact me.

Reiki sessions and sound sessions are powerful ways to heal, empower and learn about yourself.

Namaste.